Jealousy hadn't been something Tachibana had much experience with until Kenzaki had joined BOARD. His own struggles as a Rider had been so difficult, but he had been able to bear it, knowing that it was something that someone had to do, and for lack of anyone better suited, that someone had to be him.
But when they had found someone better suited... someone who took to the System like a duck to water, surpassing Tachibana's hard-earned efforts in a matter of weeks, the blow had been almost physical. The resentment of how seemingly easy Kenzaki had it, the deeping worries that despite all his efforts and sacrifice, he still wasn't good enough and would just be discarded had cracked him open, sending him into a downward spiral that had all but destroyed him inside and out.
But that was how it was supposed to be. BOARD had taken extra care and effort to make sure that the person they brought in to be the second Rider would be well suited to it, and all of Tachibana's effort and energy to test and refine the System meant that Blade would be a superior System to Garren. An extra year of development, research, and finding that perfect match so that it wouldn't be another case of "just good enough."
But it had still hurt.
All of it, still hurt.
He said nothing for a long time, looking down at nothing, hand restlessly bouncing against his leg, as if telegraphing his desire to just-- run away from the situation like he often did.
He had never known how to deal with the seemingly awkward condolences, the sympathy that always felt condescending, even though he knew it never was. Everything that he had suffered through... was just because he hadn't been good enough. What good did sympathetic words do in the face of that? They couldn't do anything to bring Sayoko back. They couldn't do anything to change the past.
.... but maybe...
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. We should be focusing on what's going on now, now the bullshit that happend before."
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But when they had found someone better suited... someone who took to the System like a duck to water, surpassing Tachibana's hard-earned efforts in a matter of weeks, the blow had been almost physical. The resentment of how seemingly easy Kenzaki had it, the deeping worries that despite all his efforts and sacrifice, he still wasn't good enough and would just be discarded had cracked him open, sending him into a downward spiral that had all but destroyed him inside and out.
But that was how it was supposed to be. BOARD had taken extra care and effort to make sure that the person they brought in to be the second Rider would be well suited to it, and all of Tachibana's effort and energy to test and refine the System meant that Blade would be a superior System to Garren. An extra year of development, research, and finding that perfect match so that it wouldn't be another case of "just good enough."
But it had still hurt.
All of it, still hurt.
He said nothing for a long time, looking down at nothing, hand restlessly bouncing against his leg, as if telegraphing his desire to just-- run away from the situation like he often did.
He had never known how to deal with the seemingly awkward condolences, the sympathy that always felt condescending, even though he knew it never was. Everything that he had suffered through... was just because he hadn't been good enough. What good did sympathetic words do in the face of that? They couldn't do anything to bring Sayoko back. They couldn't do anything to change the past.
.... but maybe...
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. We should be focusing on what's going on now, now the bullshit that happend before."